Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Household chores

I was always the lazy kid. I never cleaned my room. I've had piles upon piles of stuff lying on the floor because I "simply" cannot see where it all should go.

I never knew this could be connected with my now-apparent autism. Zosia Zaks writes in her book Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults that this is normal for some autistics;

While not everyone on the autism spectrum has trouble getting and staying organized, many of us have a tough time creating a comfortable place to live. (p. 27)


She continues:

Some autistic people have difficulty managing all the tasks that go into maintaining a home. What has to be done first? Where do you begin?
[...]
Autistic people may also have trouble sorting different objects in the home. For example, we may not realize that the enormous pile of "stuff" on the bed can be broken down into separate piles of clothes, books, papers, and trash, and therefore managed more easily. It may be difficult to sort and control things that arrive in the home, with newspapers winding up all over the place and packages left by the door for weeks. It may not be obvious where to store items either.
[...]
Well-meaning non-autistic friends or relatives can inadvertently put pressure on us or assume we are lazy, in fact, we may have be having serious trouble caring for our living quarters, futher fueling a sense of frustration. (p. 28-29)

All this is true for me. I seem incapable of sorting my stuff and as a result, there are books piled on the floor, DVDs by the computer screen (even though we have a perfectly funtioning DVD-shelf). Things pile up. Easily.

I've referred to myself as well-functioning in the past. I still think I am. To a certain point. The truth of the matter is that I, as said previously, function very well "in my own environment". This includes, but is not limited to, that I have a wonderful husband who take on a lot of chores (and leaves me with a very guilty conscience) as well as a mother who feeds me while he's away.

Still, it's not all that easy. Some say that what differ most autistics from those with Asperger's is that aspies have a "want" for a social life. We want relationships. We want friends. But it's kinda hard to invite someone over when your house looks like something out of movie dealing with what happens after the zombie-invasion and your house could be a set.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pffth... I don't want friends.

Some words going around in the English-speaking world that might be of interest for us norwegians - procrastination, inertia and Executive Dysfunction.

You must be logged into Aspies for Freedom to view the last link.

I see the problem as something central in my life - people are unable to understand, will accuse you of laziness and you simply can't fullfill people's expectations.

Margrethe said...

I have a desire to be social, but I'm not sure I have a desire to have someone over.

Oooh! Inertia is very, what should I say...? Umm... Relevant to many autistics. Even though I've had lots of mess, I guess I can say it's made me feel safe.

AGSoccerMom said...

Oh thanks for the book title. My son looks at me blankly when I ask him to straiten his room. Now it makes sense. He was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start and he didn't want us help so he was so frustrated.
OMG! Thanks so much.

Margrethe said...

That's the way it feels for me, anyway. And I have a tendency to take stuff out of my bags and leave them on the floor... Which doesn't help in keeping it tidy.

Anonymous said...

This appears to be one area of AS that doesn't apply to me (usually everything you mention has a resonance to it). My desk is currently piled to monitor height with crap. Looking at the piles I know exactly where everything in those piles *should* live. I just can't be bothered to move any of it (unless its developing life). People seem to think an organised home is easier to live in, but I hate the fact that you have to unorganise it every time you want to use your stuff. By their very nature piles cannot be unorganised. I like piles o' stuff.

Then again with the exception of my mom's neat-freak house I've grown up in culture where messiness doesn't matter provided you can find a clear space on the sofa.

Kayla P said...

Wow, this really helped me out. That is totally me, I just can't seem to keep my house clean and it is driving my husband nuts. Dishes and cooking I can manage, but when it comes to organizing anything or laundry I just get overwhelmed. I try to explain that I just don't know what to do and he thinks I am being lazy.