As you might or might now know,
A meltdown is condition where the Aspie temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors.
It generally appears that the aspie has lost control over a single and specific issue however this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is the cumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory facilities of the aspie.
[...]
The meltdown appears to most people as a tantrum or dummy spit. There are marked differences between adults and children.
Children tend to flop onto the ground and shout, scream or cry. Quite often, they will display violent behaviour such as hitting or kicking.
(source)
I don't recall having had many meltdowns during my childhood. If I did, they were never called meltdowns. I was just a "bad girl who didn't know how to behave". The story that often comes up is that of the 3 year old me at the mall with my mom, "throwing a complete tantrum" so bad my mom had to pick me up and carry me under her arm out of the mall.
Several people describe how their autistic kids can be such angels when they're "in public", yet act as monsters behind closed doors. This was true for me as well, and is something I still do from time to time. I can be nice, civil and polite during "office hours", and then unleash everything once I get home. I'm not easy to live with, I know, and this is something I'm working on. I distincively remember being embarrassed them few time I "lost it", and I think therefore I started to restrict it to when I was home.
Do you think autistics are able to "control themselves" from melting down in public? Are there any gender-differences when it comes to meltdowns? The source I've quoted mentions that autistic adults often get depressed (and 'shut down') instead of melt down. I think this is particularly true for women (not saying it doesn't happen to men). Autistic or not, most "high-functioning" autistics become aware of the effect they have on others on one level or the other some time and begin to "adjust" their behavior. I'm not saying everyone does this, but I know I've done it, and I assume this is very true for the female aspie.
Let's face it. Girls are brought up differently, either the parents admit to it or not. That's just the way it is. Even thought my parents at least tried to give both of us a "gender-less" upbringing, the society we live in made it impossible. If our parents didn't encourage us to be free of gender-presumptions, the school sure as hell didn't. I remember being told that girls should be so and so (nice, polite) and boys could do whatever they wanted. And this is the problem with autism diagnostics today. Because boys are expected to be 'free', it's more "okay" for a boy to have ADHD/autism/whatever, but girls are so played down that most of them tone down their overall behavior + autism don't manifest itself the same way in females. This is a never-ending argument, so I'll just leave it as this; food for thought.
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I can control my meltdowns, though I don't bother when I'm alone. My son can control his meltdowns too.
I do take the trouble to control my meltdowns when no one is around but my wife. She and I inevitably have a profound influence on the quality of one another's experience when we're alone together, and we each want that experience to be pleasant, so we make a conscious effort in that direction.
As the NT father of a son with AS I find it hard to differentiate between meltdowns and just normal kids tantrums. Hopefully when he gets older he'll be able to tell us himself. Now he just more or less explodes without any warning, but so does his NT brother every now and again too. The problem with kids are that they have not reflected on their situation and add that he really has problems describing how he feels it's hard to know when to just leave him alone to cool down and when to "parent" him.
I remember having over-blown tantrums as a child that could really only work themselves out once I was in my room on my own, but at significant harm to pillows and anything else I knew I couldn't really break. The biggest one I remember was after a favorite basketball team lost a game which ruined their otherwise undefeated season.
Anymore (I'm 25 now) I'm much more likely to shut down. I don't know which would be more distressing to people close to me. At least if I threw a tantrum they might know what I'm feeling, but I'm not willing to risk that embarrassment.
The closest I come to outwardly melting down now is when something bothersome that I've kept under wraps for months finally comes out or is acknowledged by someone else. Still, my reaction will relatively subdued until I can get somewhere with some privacy.
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