As every adult with ASCs know, there is a serious lack of books about and research on ASCs in, well, adults. Most of you have most likely already read through the books there is out there, but if you haven't picked it up yet, and wonder how to best disclose, I can recommend Coming Out Asperger. It's a book for the adult reader which deals mostly with how to come out, to friends, partners, co-workers, etc. I'm not trying to say that you should follow the book to a T, but maybe it can provide some support and insight?
My biggest problem to date with disclosing is that I have problems voicing my problems. This has been true for the better part of my life. I've never had a close relationship with my parents. Close is perhaps not the best word - 'personal' is more fitting. It's hard to suddenly have such a relationship with your parents when you're 22. It would be odd to suddenly try to change this relationship, not only because we've never been close in the 22 years I've been on this earth but also because; why should I now disclose this. What is it with Asperger's that warrants a disclosure when more or less nothing else in my life does?
The other relationships where it would be "sensible" for me to disclose is to friends. Speaking freely here, I don't have friends. I've never had. I have acquaintances, but not friends. There are people I talk to when I'm at the university where I study, but I seldom, very seldom, engage socially with them out of the university setting. It's not because I haven't wanted to, but because I seem unable to connect with them on the same level as they connect with each other. The question then is why should I disclose? Maybe because I want a better relationship. I want friends. And friends share, don't they?
So, how should one disclose to potential friends? I already have. Unwillingly, but none the less, I have. One of the girls added me to her FaceBook some months ago when we first started talking, but I guess it was just a month ago she actually looked at my profile and noticed the groups I've joined. If others have done the same, no one's ever said anything. Yet, I've never disclosed using my voice. I prefer to express myself in writing.
The question of why I'm a member of groups for autistics where written on a note in lecture, shuffed through the rows of students and given to me, somewhat discreet.
Hey, why are you a member of so many autism communities on FB?I froze. I completely froze.
How on earth am I gonna wriggle myself out of this one?!A hast phone call to my partner during recess gave me some support.
Tell her if you want to. I think you should, but this is your decision.I didn't tell her. I hurried a note back saying it was "kinda complicated" and that I could tell her later - a few of the girls were going over to her place that night. It didn't come up. Not in itself and I didn't find a suitable time to tell her. I came home and my thoughts of myself was that I was a coward.
The disclosure finally came, in writing, the next day. I wrote a message over FaceBook, and she replied within the hour. It felt nice. Liberating. And once again I'm finding myself in a situation where maybe it would be appropriate to tell. I'm just trying to muster the nerve to do so.
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5 comments:
An excellent post and thank-you.
Certainly there is a lack of research on girls and women who have A.S.
On some website somewhere I read that female Aspies don't do makeup and don't understand the concept of fashion as in fashionable clothing. Also that female Aspies usually have animals as their special interest. And that female Aspies negotiate the social barriers better because their female friends are more likely to comfort them when feeling badly.
Seems like generalizations to me without substance those things do. I would be interested in reading stuff that addresses specifically the concerns/symptoms etc of girls and women who have Aspergers.
Any ideas of where to find that?
spike
There is definitely a lack of research on AS-women! After thrawling Amazon and google, I've found a few books, one being "Asperger and Girls" which is a very short book (I was kinda disappointed) which deals with growing up as a AS-girl and turning into an AS-woman. It had some good points and it was interesting to read, but I thought it was too short.
The "problem" is also that it's made up from several (short) articles on subjects the authors wanted to write about. That is all well and good, but I keep yearning for a more "to the point" book on AS in women.
The other book I've read so far is "Women from another planet". That as well is made up by shorter pieces, but the entire book is written by women on the spectrum. I found it immensely interesting, though :)
I'm gonna be writing a post about the "stereotypical" Aspie-woman soon. I've been thinking about it for a few days, ever since I got a comment in my LiveJournal asking how come I'm married when I have Asperger's? It is something that would be interesting to sink my teeth into.
Haven't come out to people either, and also have no friends whatsoever.
I think it can sometimes be best to just tell things as it is without using the syndrome-word, or try to explain your preferences or whatever in another way.
There are some I have "come out" to except here. I have, for instance, said that I have a problem with eye contact. It's not a disclosure, but it fits whatever we're talking about.
Couragous article.
ow and btw you do have friend(s) since you have a partner :) (or thats the way i read it). Comming out to him was the first step then.
I would not worry about comming out, it's not the end of the world, just hold if for persons that are Close to you.
good luck in life.
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